Saionji Shonagon
New Member
One dreamed of becoming somebody. Another remained awake and became. (Found in a fortune cookie.)
Posts: 7,240
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Post by Saionji Shonagon on Sept 16, 2005 22:12:39 GMT -5
Things They Never Told Me When I Came To Court.
A list that never made it into Sei Shonagon's Pillow Book. There are no locks on the doors!!!!! What's up with that? Hair this long is extremely high maintenance. But I make it look good. No man likes it when you point and laugh. Use this tactic sparingly. Small steps. Make him blush with praise, he'll remember you forever. Make him blush with shame, he'll remember you forever. Small steps. Know your kasane. LIVE your kasane. (That pointing and laughing thing goes both ways.) If "But I'm only thirteen!" doesn't work, if "I'm honored, but no, thank you," doesn't work, if "What part of 'I have a head ache' do you not understand?" doesn't work, if crying and struggling don't work,* a sharp poke in the squishy bits with a folded fan or stiffened fingers even as you apologize loudly and sincerely for your "clumsiness" will often take care of the matter. You MUST apologize loudly and sincerely (paper walls - what genius!) If you can manage to accidentally on purpose knock over the byobu so it hits him in the head, so much the better. Should that fail, point and laugh. Should that fail, kill him after he falls asleep. Seppuku at this point is optional, however, your reputation for "clumsiness" could be an opportunity to improve the quality of the gentlemen likely to attempt a visit. (*You think I'm making this up? www.sengokudaimyo.com/Forced_Affection.html ) Know your kasane. LIVE your kasane. (So who dresses you, Carrie Bradshaw?) Laugh at his jokes. It costs you nothing. The blossoming cherry, the morning dew, a good hair day. These things are fleeting: enjoy them while you may. Know the classics. Live the classics. You'll get the obscure poetic references and people will think you're erudite. Work the fan. "Lady" does not mean "passive." "Woman" does not mean "weak." We just have a different armory and supply line than he does. That's 5-7-5-7-7. Which will one day be the postal code of Wanblee, South Dakota. Speak elegantly and musically. Your voice might just be the only part of you he can fall in love with at first sight. Crap. I've just knelt on my hair and I can't get up. Know your kasane. LIVE your kasane. Your hems might just be the only part of you he can fall in love with at first sight. That running and sliding on a newly polished wood floor doesn't work very well in nagabakama. S.
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Post by Takeda Sanjuichiro on Sept 16, 2005 22:19:41 GMT -5
Genius!!!!! ;D
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Post by Please Delete on Sept 16, 2005 22:21:46 GMT -5
If you are waiting for paint to dry, here's something to try:
Tamago Soumen: • Scramble the egg, boil (senji) white sugar, scoop out the shell from that and drizzle it in. It is good if you take that out and cool it well.
‹ÊŽq‘f–Ë ‚½‚Ü‚²‚ð‚ ‚¯‚æ‚‚©‚«‚ ‚Í‚¹”’‚´‚½‚¤‚ð‚¹‚ñ‚¶‘´’†‚Ö‹ÊŽq‚Ì‚©‚ç‚É‚Ä‚·‚‚Ђق»‚‚¨‚Æ‚µŒó‚È‚èŽæ‚ ‚°‚æ‚‚³‚Ü‚µ‚Ă悵
Fun candy from Ryori Monogatari.
-Ii
PS: Nicely done. Good thing we weren't drinking at the time. We actually had to look up Wanblee!
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Post by Abe Akirakeiko on Sept 16, 2005 22:28:33 GMT -5
To quote the Guinness commercial-- BRILLIANT! The blossoming cherry, the morning dew, a good hair day. These things are fleeting: enjoy them while you may. I am going to calligraph this nicely and hang it up where I might enjoy it on a daily basis. Saionji-hime, you are a treasure, and this humble one abases herself at your feet, happy only to bask in your brilliance. *hides behind fan, bows low, making sure to sweep the hair extensions out of the way this time*
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Post by Abe Akirakeiko on Sept 16, 2005 22:32:05 GMT -5
That running and sliding on a newly polished wood floor doesn't work very well in nagabakama. I can SO picture Saionji-hime shuffling delicately along the corridor, face demurely behind her fan, peeking out occasionally to see who is looking...and when the coast is clear, going for the distance record. - Kotori (whose Japanese-speaking Physics teacher once had us calculate "The Coefficient of Friction of Socks on the Cafeteria Floor")
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Saionji Shonagon
New Member
One dreamed of becoming somebody. Another remained awake and became. (Found in a fortune cookie.)
Posts: 7,240
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Post by Saionji Shonagon on Sept 16, 2005 22:35:38 GMT -5
Madwoman, more likely.
If anyone thinks the "forced affection" advice is in poor taste, my apologies. I did think long and hard about that bit as I wrote it. Rape is not funny. However, it is a facet of life in the Japanese court that women had to deal with. To a modern reader, the hero of The Tale of Genji comes off as a serial date rapist. To Japanese readers of the 10th century and after, he was a romantic hero. To pretend not to consider this aspect of my persona's existence is unrealistic.
Laughter and tears are sisters. I am blessed that I have never had to deal with such a situation for real. I hope I never have to.
Saionji
Ooh! Stencil's dry!
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Saionji Shonagon
New Member
One dreamed of becoming somebody. Another remained awake and became. (Found in a fortune cookie.)
Posts: 7,240
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Post by Saionji Shonagon on Sept 16, 2005 22:42:04 GMT -5
In real life I am a clutz. I'd probably wipe out and take a shoji with me. True story, that first West Kingdom Twelfth Night where I debuted the court togs, I was wearing geta because we were in a hotel conference center and I didn't want to be barefooting through the lobby. The interaction of wooden ha and polished marble floor were not unlike skate blades on a frozen pond. S.
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Post by Abe Akirakeiko on Sept 16, 2005 22:44:00 GMT -5
If you are waiting for paint to dry, here's something to try: Tamago Soumen: • Scramble the egg, boil (senji) white sugar, scoop out the shell from that and drizzle it in. It is good if you take that out and cool it well. Note to researchers: When attempting to ascertain whether or not the above concoction will agree with the taste preferences of the common Syrian hamster ( Mesocricetus auratus), it is wise to perform the experiment in a controlled environment, using the appropriate equipment. Failure to take such precautions in our introductory trials led to the (unfortunate) conclusion that not only do hamsters enjoy tamago somen, but they also seem to enjoy sugar-coated fingers as well.
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Post by Please Delete on Sept 16, 2005 22:51:52 GMT -5
True story, that first West Kingdom Twelfth Night where I debuted the court togs, I was wearing geta because we were in a hotel conference center and I didn't want to be barefooting through the lobby. The interaction of wooden ha and polished marble floor were not unlike skate blades on a frozen pond. 'Heian-kyo's Funniest Home Videos': 1) As one of the palace guards ascends the steps to take something from the Minister of the Right, he doesn't realize that someone is standing on his kyo... until about halfway up! 2) The crown prince is out playing kemari one day and his shoe suddenly goes flying off into the trees! 3) Two noblemen are walking along the veranda , and as they turn the corner, a low- hanging beam removes their tate-eboshi! 4) An oxcart driver starts the oxen moving--but forgot to properly strap them in, sending the oxcart and its occupants tumbling to the ground. 5) While reading out an official letter, a high-ranking minister mispronounces a character in a highly respected temple, and laughter ensues! These and much more, on 'Heian-kyo's Funniest Home Videos!' -Ii
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Saionji Shonagon
New Member
One dreamed of becoming somebody. Another remained awake and became. (Found in a fortune cookie.)
Posts: 7,240
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Post by Saionji Shonagon on Sept 16, 2005 22:55:17 GMT -5
Oh, well, if the hamsters like it, it's haute cuisine! (I'm picturing a rodent on a sugar high trying to vibrate through the bars of its cage.)
I actually don't have sugar in the house - I got in the habit of not putting it in my tea. May have to try this recipe at a future date, though. It sounds interesting.
S.
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Saionji Shonagon
New Member
One dreamed of becoming somebody. Another remained awake and became. (Found in a fortune cookie.)
Posts: 7,240
|
Post by Saionji Shonagon on Sept 16, 2005 22:58:16 GMT -5
Ow. Pepsi HURTS when you snort it. And people think I'm demented. Wait, I kind of am. Never mind.
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Post by Please Delete on Sept 16, 2005 23:02:07 GMT -5
Now, can you pick out the two that actually happened?
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Saionji Shonagon
New Member
One dreamed of becoming somebody. Another remained awake and became. (Found in a fortune cookie.)
Posts: 7,240
|
Post by Saionji Shonagon on Sept 16, 2005 23:04:48 GMT -5
Um, they ALL sound perfectly plausible. I think I remember the shoe projectile one from somewhere.
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Post by Please Delete on Sept 16, 2005 23:15:51 GMT -5
Yeah, and the courtier who didn't laugh got rewarded when the Crown Prince ascended the throne. The other one was the misreading--done intentionally so that the 'embarrassed' minister could go hide away from a year--in fact he was helping to plot the downfall of the Hojo and the rise of Emperor Go-Daigo. -Ii PS: #39
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Saionji Shonagon
New Member
One dreamed of becoming somebody. Another remained awake and became. (Found in a fortune cookie.)
Posts: 7,240
|
Post by Saionji Shonagon on Sept 16, 2005 23:21:07 GMT -5
If that's a page reference in Po Chu Yi, it's in a box. S
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